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Dear Beginners..."Should i trust this online Dominant
   
{ksenia}PoP
4/30/2014     
Bra Tester
Firstly - welcome to the D/s corner of The Pork!

I hope you've found your way around the forums and over to The Chamber or The Dungeon. There you will find, if you're lucky, people of varying experience, knowledge, wisdom and opinion.

Take it all in, make use of the resources they offer and make up your own mind - there are no right answers when it comes to D/s (unless it's scientific/legal...like 'if your Dom wants to lock you in a freezer for 12 hours, you will probably die/suffer for hypothermia - that will give your Dom 'x' years in jail in 'n' state or country').

Reading The Chamber Rules and Guidelines should help you figure out some basic expectations and culture of the D/s chatrooms here, though they all have a different flavour, more or less protocol.

As with any opinion given here, there are many, many people with far more collective experience than the one held below. There are some that have rt club-scene experience that will have additional points, corrections and questions to ask which can broaden the debate. Either way, I hope some will join in here!


Should I trust the Dominant i met online?




The most common and basic response is - "trust your gut!"

If the information exchanged between you is not equal, be wary and question why that makes you feel uncomfortable.

For example, if s/he keeps you in the dark, does not send up-to-date photos of himself, speak to you on the phone/webcam, does not tell you where s/he lives etc yet expects it of you...that would make me uncomfortable and find it difficult to trust him.

Trust is earned - through experience and mutual sharing; by its nature it cannot be automatically given and never because s/he simply says 'Me Dom, you sub'! A D/s dynamic, however that works for you, -has- to grow from a basic point of trust, it's at the core of the power exchange and, if we're honest, any decent vanilla relationship.


So, some vanilla questions:
Has this person done things that would demonstrate trustworthiness as a human being online (not counting the D/s element)?:

...has he taken things at a pace that allows and expects you to show caution and develop your trust in him,
...has she shown patience that this is a necessary part of developing any kind of relationship?
...has he exchanged with you some background about himself, his life, relationship status etc,
...has she given you any reason to believe what she has shared?
...is there anyone that can vouch for him as a person on the website that you visit?
...has she given you opportunity to develop her trust in you? Does it feel equal?

As a Dominant...
...has he discussed, explained or taught his expectations with you?
...has she given you opportunity to share your expectations and hopes?
...is it clear where his dominance of you ends and where your autonomy begins? (i.e. does he have control over all of your information/schedule/photos/other relationships or do you expect him only to have dominance of you in a certain chat room, at a certain time of day?)
...when your conversations/interactions end do you leave her feeling better/happier/more secure in yourself or worse (immediately after or a day after)?




N.B. For the sake of 'proper' grammar and as a personal preference (both my own and my Owner's), i only cap with specific reference to a singular 'Dominant', 'Sadist' or 'Top'. Generally I don't capitalise mid-sentance pronouns, particularly in reference to multiple people, ensuring that my behaviour shows respect enough that my formatting need not.


Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got, anyway. ~Mother Teresa~


Edited: 1/24/2017 by {ksenia}PoP
Post #1003945 Back to top ▲
4/30/2014
  
{ksenia}PoP
Bra Tester
Firstly - welcome to the D/s corner of The Pork!

I hope you've found your way around the forums and over to The Chamber or The Dungeon. There you will find, if you're lucky, people of varying experience, knowledge, wisdom and opinion.

Take it all in, make use of the resources they offer and make up your own mind - there are no right answers when it comes to D/s (unless it's scientific/legal...like 'if your Dom wants to lock you in a freezer for 12 hours, you will probably die/suffer for hypothermia - that will give your Dom 'x' years in jail in 'n' state or country').

Reading The Chamber Rules and Guidelines should help you figure out some basic expectations and culture of the D/s chatrooms here, though they all have a different flavour, more or less protocol.

As with any opinion given here, there are many, many people with far more collective experience than the one held below. There are some that have rt club-scene experience that will have additional points, corrections and questions to ask which can broaden the debate. Either way, I hope some will join in here!


Should I trust the Dominant i met online?




The most common and basic response is - "trust your gut!"

If the information exchanged between you is not equal, be wary and question why that makes you feel uncomfortable.

For example, if s/he keeps you in the dark, does not send up-to-date photos of himself, speak to you on the phone/webcam, does not tell you where s/he lives etc yet expects it of you...that would make me uncomfortable and find it difficult to trust him.

Trust is earned - through experience and mutual sharing; by its nature it cannot be automatically given and never because s/he simply says 'Me Dom, you sub'! A D/s dynamic, however that works for you, -has- to grow from a basic point of trust, it's at the core of the power exchange and, if we're honest, any decent vanilla relationship.


So, some vanilla questions:
Has this person done things that would demonstrate trustworthiness as a human being online (not counting the D/s element)?:

...has he taken things at a pace that allows and expects you to show caution and develop your trust in him,
...has she shown patience that this is a necessary part of developing any kind of relationship?
...has he exchanged with you some background about himself, his life, relationship status etc,
...has she given you any reason to believe what she has shared?
...is there anyone that can vouch for him as a person on the website that you visit?
...has she given you opportunity to develop her trust in you? Does it feel equal?

As a Dominant...
...has he discussed, explained or taught his expectations with you?
...has she given you opportunity to share your expectations and hopes?
...is it clear where his dominance of you ends and where your autonomy begins? (i.e. does he have control over all of your information/schedule/photos/other relationships or do you expect him only to have dominance of you in a certain chat room, at a certain time of day?)
...when your conversations/interactions end do you leave her feeling better/happier/more secure in yourself or worse (immediately after or a day after)?




N.B. For the sake of 'proper' grammar and as a personal preference (both my own and my Owner's), i only cap with specific reference to a singular 'Dominant', 'Sadist' or 'Top'. Generally I don't capitalise mid-sentance pronouns, particularly in reference to multiple people, ensuring that my behaviour shows respect enough that my formatting need not.


Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got, anyway. ~Mother Teresa~


Edited: 1/24/2017 by {ksenia}PoP
Post #1003945
lola61
8/20/2014     
Member Ksenia.... Thank you so much for your post/ reply..Your smart ,funny, and beautiful. Interested for a very long time but never took the plunge for myself. I"m new here and I want to learn lola smiles
Post #1008206 Back to top ▲
8/20/2014
  
lola61
Member
Ksenia.... Thank you so much for your post/ reply..Your smart ,funny, and beautiful. Interested for a very long time but never took the plunge for myself. I"m new here and I want to learn lola smiles
Post #1008206
{ksenia}
10/11/2015     
Bra Tester *bumps for resources*


“You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.” - Dr. Seuss
Post #1023848 Back to top ▲
10/11/2015
  
{ksenia}
Bra Tester
*bumps for resources*


“You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.” - Dr. Seuss
Post #1023848
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