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New to D/s, feeling like I suck at this, help/advice appreciated
   
FreeDom
5/11/2016     
Member I'm in a relationship with a magnificent woman, whom I'm crazy about. She has introduced me to the world of kink (I was pretty much all vanilla before this), and I've enjoyed most of it, except...

She is a Sub, and I'm glad to explore being her Dom... but I feel like I am just not good at it. Everything I do seems to be the wrong thing, and she feels frustrated or annoyed... not at all what either of us is hoping for. Our communication is good in general, and we talk a lot. I've gone to some ropes classes with her, we've bought and used toys together, our non-kink sex is pretty great.

But I feel embarrassed, and awkward, and am losing the confidence to keep trying. I want to make her happy, and for us to both enjoy ourselves, but I don't know how to do this. I read up on various sites, try to understand better how to be a good Dom, but it often just doesn't work out. She describes being with an amazing Dom before, but a bad relationship, and I feel like I don't measure up.

I know I'm venting here, and that's not really the point. I just want to get better at this. Please help!
Post #1031090 Back to top ▲
5/11/2016
  
FreeDom
Member
I'm in a relationship with a magnificent woman, whom I'm crazy about. She has introduced me to the world of kink (I was pretty much all vanilla before this), and I've enjoyed most of it, except...

She is a Sub, and I'm glad to explore being her Dom... but I feel like I am just not good at it. Everything I do seems to be the wrong thing, and she feels frustrated or annoyed... not at all what either of us is hoping for. Our communication is good in general, and we talk a lot. I've gone to some ropes classes with her, we've bought and used toys together, our non-kink sex is pretty great.

But I feel embarrassed, and awkward, and am losing the confidence to keep trying. I want to make her happy, and for us to both enjoy ourselves, but I don't know how to do this. I read up on various sites, try to understand better how to be a good Dom, but it often just doesn't work out. She describes being with an amazing Dom before, but a bad relationship, and I feel like I don't measure up.

I know I'm venting here, and that's not really the point. I just want to get better at this. Please help!
Post #1031090
~darla~
5/13/2016     
Member
Hi and welcome to the Pork

I think, as usual, that Sadist has managed to give excellent advice. So I'm really just here to second what he said Big Grin *saves me all the typing*

I would reiterate what Sadist said at the end.. my main thoughts from reading your post was 'How does he know he's a Dominant?' There didn't seem to be anything from what you said that pointed towards you having this natural feeling towards it, more that you were keen to please and try something new in the bedroom. Maybe though you just didn't mention any of that stuff. But how natural is it for you to be Dominant? Because for me a Dominant wouldn't allow me to take the lead and dictate how he was to behave. Either i gel with him or i don't.

So maybe you need to get in touch with your inner Dom and have the confidence to be yourself. there is nothing more sexy than a guy who knows what he wants and expects to get it.


~We accept the love we think we deserve~
~What other people say about me is none of my business~
Post #1031101 Back to top ▲
5/13/2016
  
~darla~
Member
Hi and welcome to the Pork

I think, as usual, that Sadist has managed to give excellent advice. So I'm really just here to second what he said Big Grin *saves me all the typing*

I would reiterate what Sadist said at the end.. my main thoughts from reading your post was 'How does he know he's a Dominant?' There didn't seem to be anything from what you said that pointed towards you having this natural feeling towards it, more that you were keen to please and try something new in the bedroom. Maybe though you just didn't mention any of that stuff. But how natural is it for you to be Dominant? Because for me a Dominant wouldn't allow me to take the lead and dictate how he was to behave. Either i gel with him or i don't.

So maybe you need to get in touch with your inner Dom and have the confidence to be yourself. there is nothing more sexy than a guy who knows what he wants and expects to get it.


~We accept the love we think we deserve~
~What other people say about me is none of my business~
Post #1031101
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