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why are gay people the way that they are?
   
sinnin
1/15/2007     
Member everyones thoughts on this...?!

Article by Bob Minor

You've heard the question in a number of forms: Why are gay people the way they are?

I'm not talking about the complaints of critical right-wingers. They refuse to accept a rational answer, and don't want one.

I'm talking about the generalizations we make about each other that usually tell us more about our own frustrations than about the people from whom we had apparently expected more.

Why are gay men so fickle?
Why are lesbians all out to steal other women's partners?
Why are young gay people only interested in partying and drugs? Why can't we get them interested in politics?
Why are older gay men so predatory about younger gay men?
Why do gay people seem to get their manners from bars?
Why do gay men and lesbians fight?
Why are bi and trans people marginalized in the gay community?
Why are lesbians so angry?
Why are gay men so bitter?
Why is there so much emphasis on looks?
Why would any self-accepting LGBT person be a Republican?
Why do rich gay people deny the struggles of the rest of us?
Why do gay people stay in organizations that don't accept them?
Why do gay people use leadership positions to get their strokes? And why do they fight so much over leadership?
Why do they seem to expect the worst of each other?
Why do they seem to revel in sordid details of the lives of anyone who tries to lead the community?

I've been speaking and writing for years about how LGBT people react, relate, and absorb the sick messages of society and apply them to themselves almost unconsciously. Gay and Healthy in A Sick Society (HumanityWorks!, 2003) offered some conclusions.

Even though I don't buy into the generalizations, there are common patterns behind them that provide the anecdotes for the people who make them.

Now, all the major psychological and counseling organizations over thirty years ago concluded that none of this has anything to do with same-sex attraction. So, it's settled. There is nothing "wrong" with anyone that has to do with their sexual orientation.

If we could just get that idea down, believe it, and use it, we'd make a lot of progress in our community. But I've often seen people who deny that they have any problems with their sexual orientation still speak, act, and relate in ways that make one wonder if they're really so healthy.

After all, there's an important social dynamic at work here - people from a group that has been oppressed by the larger society internalize that oppression in a way that divides them in, from, and among themselves. Brazilian educator Paolo Freire (Pedagogy of the Oppressed, 1973) identified it as a fear of being free from the constricting, negative images of the very system that oppresses them.

"The oppressed," he writes, "having internalized the image of the oppressor and adopted his [sic] guidelines, are fearful of freedom. Freedom would require them to eject this image and replace it with autonomy and responsibility. Freedom… must be pursued constantly and responsibly."

In a very straight-dominant society, LGBT people internalize not only the negative images of them society installs in everyone even before some know they're not straight. They have also absorbed the very negativity of these images.

We're not, then, automatically free from the judgments of the oppressor. The internalized negativity appears in the negative over-generalizations made about other LGBT people, the ease by which we look for the worst or at least the flaws in them, and a resulting inability to "play well with others" in our own groups.

Leaders fight. Organizations compete. Negative, unconfirmed gossip and rumors become juicy conversation. Criticism abounds. Bitterness develops. Relationships become drama.

Instead of living in a self-defined, individual freedom, this results in protective personal strategies to keep from being hurt, let down, or rejected by the very group we had thought would accept us. Somehow we even feel like outsiders among other LGBT people.

Then we assume the worst from the beginning and don't put faith in others so that our hope won't be dashed. We feel that if we can just huddle together with one person who really loves us, we won't feel the negativity. That person will save us.

We can also protect ourselves if we live a life of denial walled in with the emotional protection of alcohol, drugs, partying, membership in an elite LGBT in-group, unfulfilling sexual encounters, superficial conversations, closeted or semi-closeted relationships with straight people, or the many, often good, things we do in order to fill a hole within us with somebody's love and attention.

Nothing in this is essentially gay. It's the typical, predictable activities of any group of people who have a history of being been hurt by society and haven't pursued their own healing journey.

It's difficult to get the members of victimized groups to stop living out their unhealed hurts on each other and take on the larger system that's been hurting them. But it begins with each individual who embraces their own healing

-edited for spelling-

This message was edited by sinnin on 1-15-07 @ 2:05 AM
Post #16818 Back to top ▲
1/15/2007
  
sinnin
Member
everyones thoughts on this...?!

Article by Bob Minor

You've heard the question in a number of forms: Why are gay people the way they are?

I'm not talking about the complaints of critical right-wingers. They refuse to accept a rational answer, and don't want one.

I'm talking about the generalizations we make about each other that usually tell us more about our own frustrations than about the people from whom we had apparently expected more.

Why are gay men so fickle?
Why are lesbians all out to steal other women's partners?
Why are young gay people only interested in partying and drugs? Why can't we get them interested in politics?
Why are older gay men so predatory about younger gay men?
Why do gay people seem to get their manners from bars?
Why do gay men and lesbians fight?
Why are bi and trans people marginalized in the gay community?
Why are lesbians so angry?
Why are gay men so bitter?
Why is there so much emphasis on looks?
Why would any self-accepting LGBT person be a Republican?
Why do rich gay people deny the struggles of the rest of us?
Why do gay people stay in organizations that don't accept them?
Why do gay people use leadership positions to get their strokes? And why do they fight so much over leadership?
Why do they seem to expect the worst of each other?
Why do they seem to revel in sordid details of the lives of anyone who tries to lead the community?

I've been speaking and writing for years about how LGBT people react, relate, and absorb the sick messages of society and apply them to themselves almost unconsciously. Gay and Healthy in A Sick Society (HumanityWorks!, 2003) offered some conclusions.

Even though I don't buy into the generalizations, there are common patterns behind them that provide the anecdotes for the people who make them.

Now, all the major psychological and counseling organizations over thirty years ago concluded that none of this has anything to do with same-sex attraction. So, it's settled. There is nothing "wrong" with anyone that has to do with their sexual orientation.

If we could just get that idea down, believe it, and use it, we'd make a lot of progress in our community. But I've often seen people who deny that they have any problems with their sexual orientation still speak, act, and relate in ways that make one wonder if they're really so healthy.

After all, there's an important social dynamic at work here - people from a group that has been oppressed by the larger society internalize that oppression in a way that divides them in, from, and among themselves. Brazilian educator Paolo Freire (Pedagogy of the Oppressed, 1973) identified it as a fear of being free from the constricting, negative images of the very system that oppresses them.

"The oppressed," he writes, "having internalized the image of the oppressor and adopted his [sic] guidelines, are fearful of freedom. Freedom would require them to eject this image and replace it with autonomy and responsibility. Freedom… must be pursued constantly and responsibly."

In a very straight-dominant society, LGBT people internalize not only the negative images of them society installs in everyone even before some know they're not straight. They have also absorbed the very negativity of these images.

We're not, then, automatically free from the judgments of the oppressor. The internalized negativity appears in the negative over-generalizations made about other LGBT people, the ease by which we look for the worst or at least the flaws in them, and a resulting inability to "play well with others" in our own groups.

Leaders fight. Organizations compete. Negative, unconfirmed gossip and rumors become juicy conversation. Criticism abounds. Bitterness develops. Relationships become drama.

Instead of living in a self-defined, individual freedom, this results in protective personal strategies to keep from being hurt, let down, or rejected by the very group we had thought would accept us. Somehow we even feel like outsiders among other LGBT people.

Then we assume the worst from the beginning and don't put faith in others so that our hope won't be dashed. We feel that if we can just huddle together with one person who really loves us, we won't feel the negativity. That person will save us.

We can also protect ourselves if we live a life of denial walled in with the emotional protection of alcohol, drugs, partying, membership in an elite LGBT in-group, unfulfilling sexual encounters, superficial conversations, closeted or semi-closeted relationships with straight people, or the many, often good, things we do in order to fill a hole within us with somebody's love and attention.

Nothing in this is essentially gay. It's the typical, predictable activities of any group of people who have a history of being been hurt by society and haven't pursued their own healing journey.

It's difficult to get the members of victimized groups to stop living out their unhealed hurts on each other and take on the larger system that's been hurting them. But it begins with each individual who embraces their own healing

-edited for spelling-

This message was edited by sinnin on 1-15-07 @ 2:05 AM
Post #16818
morphie
9/23/2011     
Member

yay, WildRosey! ~oink~

Post #949442 Back to top ▲
9/23/2011
  
morphie
Member

yay, WildRosey! ~oink~

Post #949442
~PlayThing~
12/27/2011     
Member because they chose to be!
Post #955662 Back to top ▲
12/27/2011
  
~PlayThing~
Member
because they chose to be!
Post #955662
~pw~
12/27/2011     
Member Why does no one ask, "Why are hetros the way they are?"

They are angry.
They fight a lot
Have weird humor
They commit violent crimes
They have random sex with who ever is close by
They have multiple marriages, some at the same time.


I can not remember the last time I read about a gay person raping, starving or murdering a child.

Gays have not messed up the government.
Gays have not not caused marriage harm

So why are hetros like they are?


Edited: 12/27/2011 by ~pw~
Post #955666 Back to top ▲
12/27/2011
  
~pw~
Member
Why does no one ask, "Why are hetros the way they are?"

They are angry.
They fight a lot
Have weird humor
They commit violent crimes
They have random sex with who ever is close by
They have multiple marriages, some at the same time.


I can not remember the last time I read about a gay person raping, starving or murdering a child.

Gays have not messed up the government.
Gays have not not caused marriage harm

So why are hetros like they are?


Edited: 12/27/2011 by ~pw~
Post #955666
LBSG
12/27/2011     
Member Yah know I agree with everyone's opinons that we are all very "strange", some of us just have the balls to embrace the strange and make something out of it that is their own unique personality...traits that we should all ovbserve and leave our stinky ass opinions of what is acceptable for us and them to our selves... No one has the wright or wrong of what is acceptable in society?? No one has the wright to voice opinions for others in shape or form that is not constitutional and should not be encouraged by gay straight bi or lesbian fractions of the world... that would be saying if you act not like I act not say what I say or do what I do you are going to hell and burn alive for all eternity...NOW can you see how ridiculous it would to sit and judgement??

I am not saying I have the answers to any of this...yet I believe that everyone is blessed with individuality, which in turn makes this world that much more exciting,diverse,more in tune with the bigger picture case scenerio.. I believe we need those that have differeneces... we need people to shake us up every once in awhile...I love all communities until we open our mouths an say some ignorant shit like what we are discussing today...lol...

HAve a WONDERFUL DIVERSE DAY...try it...I dare yah...TongueWink

Edited: 12/27/2011 by LBSG
Post #955667 Back to top ▲
12/27/2011
  
LBSG
Member
Yah know I agree with everyone's opinons that we are all very "strange", some of us just have the balls to embrace the strange and make something out of it that is their own unique personality...traits that we should all ovbserve and leave our stinky ass opinions of what is acceptable for us and them to our selves... No one has the wright or wrong of what is acceptable in society?? No one has the wright to voice opinions for others in shape or form that is not constitutional and should not be encouraged by gay straight bi or lesbian fractions of the world... that would be saying if you act not like I act not say what I say or do what I do you are going to hell and burn alive for all eternity...NOW can you see how ridiculous it would to sit and judgement??

I am not saying I have the answers to any of this...yet I believe that everyone is blessed with individuality, which in turn makes this world that much more exciting,diverse,more in tune with the bigger picture case scenerio.. I believe we need those that have differeneces... we need people to shake us up every once in awhile...I love all communities until we open our mouths an say some ignorant shit like what we are discussing today...lol...

HAve a WONDERFUL DIVERSE DAY...try it...I dare yah...TongueWink

Edited: 12/27/2011 by LBSG
Post #955667
queer
1/24/2012     
Member
Why do heterosexuals quite often go through 2 - 10 ( to even higher extreme numbers ) marriages in one life span?
Why do heterosexual drug-dealers ( who are on drugs ) polute the entire world by shipping those drugs all over the planet?
Why do Christian and Catholic men / women molest and violate little girls and boys?
Why do "Whites" only want "Whites" in the White House? ( Yay Obama - even though you sucked ass )
Why do heterosexuals prostitute themselves in legal hooker-establishments around the globe?
Why do heterosexual males ( In NHB ) fight and bitch with one another more times than I have changed my underwear in my entire lifetime? ( and I am a queer - I sometimes change thrice - four times a day because I am a strange person who loves taking hot showers Big Grin )
Why do heterosexual people populate the planet with babies they cannot afford to take care?
Why do queers have to be included in paying taxes that go to welfare to take care of those babies that heterosexuals are producing?
Why do heterosexuals create Nuclear Bombs to destroy one another and kill millions of people?
Why did the so-called heterosexual God say "Follow no law but my own.", and then heterosexuals went and made over a 10s of hundreds of thousand worldwide known laws?
Why do heterosexuals beat their wives?
Why do heterosexuals cheat on their husbands?
Why why why why
why why why why why
why why why why why
why why
why
why
why.....





This is a pointless debate. Every single person is responsible for their own actions - it has nothing to do with sexuality. Most people on this planet (not that I wish to point out that heterosexuals are most of the population, but they are ) are just fucking crazy and do not know how to cope with life unless they are pointing the blame at other people rather than taking care of their own faults. Smile




My kitty cat has a queer owner - and he is okay with that!
Post #956995 Back to top ▲
1/24/2012
  
queer
Member
Why do heterosexuals quite often go through 2 - 10 ( to even higher extreme numbers ) marriages in one life span?
Why do heterosexual drug-dealers ( who are on drugs ) polute the entire world by shipping those drugs all over the planet?
Why do Christian and Catholic men / women molest and violate little girls and boys?
Why do "Whites" only want "Whites" in the White House? ( Yay Obama - even though you sucked ass )
Why do heterosexuals prostitute themselves in legal hooker-establishments around the globe?
Why do heterosexual males ( In NHB ) fight and bitch with one another more times than I have changed my underwear in my entire lifetime? ( and I am a queer - I sometimes change thrice - four times a day because I am a strange person who loves taking hot showers Big Grin )
Why do heterosexual people populate the planet with babies they cannot afford to take care?
Why do queers have to be included in paying taxes that go to welfare to take care of those babies that heterosexuals are producing?
Why do heterosexuals create Nuclear Bombs to destroy one another and kill millions of people?
Why did the so-called heterosexual God say "Follow no law but my own.", and then heterosexuals went and made over a 10s of hundreds of thousand worldwide known laws?
Why do heterosexuals beat their wives?
Why do heterosexuals cheat on their husbands?
Why why why why
why why why why why
why why why why why
why why
why
why
why.....





This is a pointless debate. Every single person is responsible for their own actions - it has nothing to do with sexuality. Most people on this planet (not that I wish to point out that heterosexuals are most of the population, but they are ) are just fucking crazy and do not know how to cope with life unless they are pointing the blame at other people rather than taking care of their own faults. Smile




My kitty cat has a queer owner - and he is okay with that!
Post #956995
irishxtc
8/22/2014     
mostly I think each individuals sexuality is no one else's business.



Post #1008278 Back to top ▲
8/22/2014
  
mostly I think each individuals sexuality is no one else's business.



Post #1008278
peasant
8/23/2014     
Member why are hetro people the way that they are?
Post #1008286 Back to top ▲
8/23/2014
  
peasant
Member
why are hetro people the way that they are?
Post #1008286
tgirl_eileen
5/14/2016     
Member
This is, as has been pointed out, a pointless debate

I am a transgendered female, and I am bisexual.

I am completely comfortable with who I am.

If that makes you uncomfortable, than I see that as your problem not mine...

Eileen
Post #1031136 Back to top ▲
5/14/2016
  
tgirl_eileen
Member
This is, as has been pointed out, a pointless debate

I am a transgendered female, and I am bisexual.

I am completely comfortable with who I am.

If that makes you uncomfortable, than I see that as your problem not mine...

Eileen
Post #1031136
ClevelandHost
6/24/2016     
Member
tgirl_eileen (5/14/2016)
This is, as has been pointed out, a pointless debate

I am a transgendered female, and I am bisexual.

I am completely comfortable with who I am.

If that makes you uncomfortable, than I see that as your problem not mine...

Eileen


You don't make me uncomfortable, Eileen
Post #1032121 Back to top ▲
6/24/2016
  
ClevelandHost
Member
tgirl_eileen (5/14/2016)
This is, as has been pointed out, a pointless debate

I am a transgendered female, and I am bisexual.

I am completely comfortable with who I am.

If that makes you uncomfortable, than I see that as your problem not mine...

Eileen


You don't make me uncomfortable, Eileen
Post #1032121
eileentsminiskirt
4/16/2017     
Member
I am this way because it is my chosen sexuality, and if you don't understand, that is not my problem.

I am bisexual and am perfectly comfortable with it, and I am no stranger than anyone else.

If you're not comfortable around gay,les,bi, or trans people than simply ignore us.

that question is really silly...I could ask why some hetero people want to so strongly assert that they are? it makes me wonder if there are some hidden desires behind that assertion. Cool
Post #1037537 Back to top ▲
4/16/2017
  
I am this way because it is my chosen sexuality, and if you don't understand, that is not my problem.

I am bisexual and am perfectly comfortable with it, and I am no stranger than anyone else.

If you're not comfortable around gay,les,bi, or trans people than simply ignore us.

that question is really silly...I could ask why some hetero people want to so strongly assert that they are? it makes me wonder if there are some hidden desires behind that assertion. Cool
Post #1037537
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